Made the run to the city yesterday, but probably shouldn’t have. My body was fighting me all day yesterday, and I’m paying for it today. We managed to get all the chore shopping done and even had a bit of time for a couple other stops. We went by the art store and I picked up a brush wrap to store my sumi-e brushes and a game store where I picked up a PS5 version of Stray – I own that on PC already but figured it would be a good game to enjoy while lounging, and my wife might even enjoy playing it.
No really feeling like writing today – probably due to the pain. While I’m always enduring some level of pain because of my injury, this is more than the “normal,” somewhat manageable levels that I am accustomed to. Pain is a constant now, but it is mentally fatiguing. I need to give more thought to the additional surgery, though there is the chance that they could fuck that up as well and I’ll be worse off than now. Technically there is still the chance that things can heal, but things haven’t been getting better, but progressively worse. My balance especially – I’ve noticed that there are more things that trigger my balance issues than just going down slopes.
I don’t want to have to go back to opiates, even though the medical professionals I’ve seen seem to think that is the solution based on the sheer amount they seem to throw at me. I don’t want to spend my life in a haze, high on pills, just to get through the day. I don’t know what the next step should be, it is hard to think clearly when the pain levels are this high.
Song of the day: Every Day is Exactly the Same by Nine Inch Nails
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