Acceptance – that is the end goal. We blew through denial, anger, and bargaining pretty quickly, and firmly planted out asses in depression. It will take more time, but we will get there.
We keep noticing the little things missing from our mundane lives. One of the things I’ve missed is hearing him licking things – bags, shower curtain, or pretty much anything plastic. At one point, my wife started recording his antics and at one point uploaded a few of those videos to an Instagram account, and I can admit that I have watched those videos several times with the sound on just to hear that little scratchy licking sound. (I don’t think that counts as breaking my social media ban, however.)
But I know that we will get to acceptance eventually. We are to the point where we can look at his photos without tears welling… at least not every time. And last night, when one of the last remaining stink bugs in our house sprayed and we smelled it, we were able to joke that, “Ghost Maynard got a bug.” To be completely honest, I think that those little things are what’s keeping us sane right now.
I keep telling myself that death is what makes life valuable, that we need to embrace the moments with those we love while we can, because we never know what could happen. It doesn’t have much affect with my current mindset, but I know that once we eventually push through this fog of loss, things will be better, and we’ll be stronger for it.
Song of the day: Disappear by Dream Theater